Every so often, it happens. Each time it does, I immediately get annoyed and have one question that I continue to ponder, “why does rank need to be thrown out there?”

There’s always one person in a group of military spouses who feels the need to throw out their spouse’s rank awkwardly in a conversation-even when it wasn’t asked or necessary to share that kind of information. It’s totally acceptable to discuss excitement for your spouse about an upcoming promotion with your close friends and family. We are all proud of our spouse’s progression in their careers, however, their rank does not define us as military spouses.

To just throw rank out there randomly in a conversation not only makes a military spouse look ridiculous, it makes others question a few things to include;

1-Are you so wrapped up in your spouse’s career that you don’t have an identity for yourself?

2-Are you that shallow that rank matters?

3-Are you so insecure that you have to throw rank out there to try and make yourself look good or feel worthy?

Many military spouses that I have been friends with for quite some time, have never even brought up their spouse’s rank. Still to this day, I do not know many of their spouse’s ranks. If I do, it is because of a recent promotion, not because rank has been a main topic of conversation. That’s how it should be and that’s how you know you’ve found a great tribe of military spouse friends. If someone uses your spouse’s rank to decide if they want to be your friend or not, they are not the kind of friend you want anyway.

So drop the rank talk, unless you want people to run out the door or roll their eyes at you. There’s so much more that military spouses can talk about and share than their spouse’s rank-so just don’t do it. That’s private information and has nothing to do with who you are as a person.

© Strength 4 Spouses LLC, 2019.

Comments (2)

  1. Reply

    I couldn’t agree more! While I’m connected to my husband’s job a little more as a milspouse, his position/rank/title has nothing to do with me. Are there times we expect something from a milspouse b/c of their service member’s rank – Yes. Should we – No. Great topic here!

  2. Reply

    I totally get and agree with your point, but let me play Devil’s Advocate for a minute. As an outsider, it is hard to understand the military life at all without the lingo and hierarcy of rank. Trying to understand it all, I find myself constantly stumbling over this question: “what’s your rank?” I realize that it can look gold-diggerish, but I see promotions more as a sign that the soldier loves his job and is good at what he does. Discussing rank helps bring clarity of what he actually does for a living.
    There are definitely braggards that are all wrapped up in rank talk, but don’t throw it out completely. Some of us practically need a manual to understand what is really going on in this military world. 😉

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