My husband and I were two years into our conception journey with 3 miscarriages under our belt. Never in a million years did I see myself in this spot, does anyone? The pain was unbearable and everywhere I looked I don’t think there was a woman who wasn’t expecting. Literally, every time I turned my head there was a big preggo belly. I badly wanted a big pregnant belly too. I was trying to be happy for them, but the ache inside was almost too much to handle.
To think I spent so many of my younger years terrified I would end up pregnant before I was ready. I had been on the pill from the age of 18 to 31 because I just *knew* pregnancy happens so much easier than you think. Was that the issue? Had the birth control caused this? Had my due diligence to prevent pregnancy screwed with my hormones so much so that I couldn’t get past the first trimester when pregnant?
No matter the reason, I was on the fast track to resenting my body and it’s lack of cooperation. In fact, I loathed my body. Why was my body failing me?
I began reaching out to the military’s health care system to help me find the answers to stop the heartache and begin my family. Turns out, beyond basic blood work they would not do any further testing until we had experienced 4 miscarriages. Four babies had to grow inside my belly and then no longer exist. You can’t quantify all of the loss involved in that qualification. My heart sunk. I had already endured an incredible amount of loss and I left feeling broken with no answers.
The Actions I Took to Help Myself
Then, one day, I woke up and the fog of anger and toxic feelings towards my body for not cooperating had lifted enough to see I could no longer continue down this path. In fact, my building resentment was not going to help foster a balanced environment hospitable to carrying a baby. I decided that day I had to make sure I removed all of the guilt on my part, so I would be able to release it.
I dove into research. Eastern, Western and Holistic health. It all kept coming back to food. I needed to clean up and clear out my body. What I put into my body is completely under my control. That was my ticket to releasing the burden of guilt from myself. If I was fostering a healthy environment and I still couldn’t stay pregnant, then I knew it was completely out of my control.
There was something so powerful in that act of taking back my health into my own hands. I kept being told “everything is normal” and it very well could have been, but I haven’t met one woman experiencing fertility issues that hasn’t gone to the place of blaming themselves.
The first step I took, for my health, was starting my day with a large green smoothie. This was the only change I made and by the end of 7 days, I felt an incredible difference. My self-esteem was improving, the bloat I carried around was disappearing, and my toxic thoughts were lifting. This encouraged me to continue down this path of using food to heal. I dove in head first.
I began an all organic way of eating, which means I stopped or severely limited putting artificial anything inside of me. No dyes, synthetic or unnatural flavors, or food colorings. No preservatives. I stopped having any alcohol. I only had organic milk and cheeses. Non-organic milk can have hormones or antibiotics in it because the cows had been given them. I did not want anything potentially messing with my hormones. This may sound extreme to some, but after the loss of 3 babies, it absolutely was not. In fact, it was something very loving and positive I was doing for my body.
Then, I started acupuncture. My amazing acupuncturist gave me herbal teas she blended to drink at different times during my menstrual cycle.
I could not believe how much my self-worth was improving solely because I was loving and caring for my body, instead of blaming and resenting it. I give a lot of credit to the clean, healthy and nutrient-dense foods I was filling myself up with. I was clearing out the junk and the toxic load was releasing from my body.
Another big revelation happened along the way. One day I realized arthritis that had plagued me for years had disappeared. I didn’t just have a few aches and pains. When I woke and got out of bed I usually looked like an elderly person working the kinks out for the first hour. I would get so angry at my husband for tying the bread bag because the joints in my fingers were so tight and painful; it hurt so much to untie it. I had no idea this could be reversed. When the arthritis began taking over my joints, I remember thinking “this is the way it is now,” my new normal.
Due to the removal of inflammatory foods from my diet, my body was reversing the inflammation I had carried around for years. My mind was blown in the best possible way. This was my catalyst to continue eating in a way that fostered health and healing.
Others will never know if all of the actions I took is what caused me to go on and have 3 healthy baby boys over the span of 5 years. I no longer had a single miscarriage, and I know my healthy lifestyle changes helped. I know it deep down in my soul.
How this Experience Inspired My Career
Present day: I do not eat 100 percent organic anymore. Over the years I have shifted how I eat a bit more and am eating meals dominate in vegetables. I also love fruit! I am not vegan or vegetarian, but I eat that way for most of my meals. I feel best inside and out when I do, that’s why I do it.
Because of all I learned on my journey, I wanted to scream from the rooftops the personal experience of using food to heal my body. Which is why I went back to college, attending The American College of Healthcare Sciences and got my Certification in Holistic Nutrition Consulting.
I launched my business, Nutrition to Heal Yourself, while we were stationed in South Korea and I couldn’t be happier to help women on their journey to a healthy lifestyle. I create gorgeous and delicious meal plans and high-touch wellness courses which include done-for-you shopping lists, and group support from other women on this journey.
© Strength 4 Spouses LLC, 2018.
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to share my story. I hope it will provide some inspiration and insight for anyone needing it. 🙂
You are amazing Pam! Thank you for sharing your story to help others. You have certainly inspired me. ❤️