I know what loss is.  Throughout my 20’s and early 30’s I lost all of my great grandparents and grandparents.  I LOVED all of them tremendously.  Losing my grandparents truly brought me to my knees.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could pick up the phone and call each one of them. I cling to all of the wonderful memories created from my childhood and young adulthood with them in it.  Those cherished memories are what I have to hold on to.

When you lose a baby in the womb, you are robbed.  You are robbed of all of that baby’s firsts.  You’ll never see his or her smile, hear their babbles, or teach them about the world around them. You are robbed of knowing the impact that he or she would’ve had on the world. Miscarriage robs you of the joy of pregnancy, because never again will you look at being pregnant without fear and worry.

You see, when you lose someone that walked this earth, you have memories.  When you lose a baby, you are robbed of all that and left with nothing but emptiness from a life that never had a fighting chance.  It’s traumatizing to “try again,” but you do it anyway.

Every month, when you get your cycle instead of a positive pregnancy test, you fall down again and grieve. It’s like someone continuously kicks you in the gut and robs your soul of hope.  Everything can be going right and faith can be restored, but infertility sets in and here you are-feeling robbed.  Holidays are the absolute worst and highlight the missing life from your family pictures. You sometimes wonder “why do I even continue to try?”

Then, you remember the bursting joy you and your husband felt when you found out you were pregnant, and you want that moment again. So you push on and you fight the robbery of miscarriage. It robbed your life, your marriage, your soul, friendships, career, and so on, but you cannot allow it to continue robbing your future. You fight the negativity that sets in your mind as you watch pregnancy happen so easily for everyone around you. You remind yourself daily that “you are worthy,” when infertility makes you feel worthless as a woman.  You trust in God’s timing and his plan, as only he knows when the perfect timing will be.  He will take what is broken and make something beautiful from it-and that is what has to keep you going, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

© Strength 4 Spouses LLC, 2018.

2018 1593Wendi, her husband, and their four legged Beagle child reside in North Carolina. While the son they lost is the only child they have been blessed with, they have 2 fur children. One who joined their son in heaven last year and one who blesses their life daily and helped them through grief. They still cling to hope that one day they will be blessed with an earthly child someday.