Mother’s Day is all about showing appreciation for your mom and appreciating so many mothers all across the globe. However, there are many women who will not be celebrating Mother’s Day with their child or children this year. That first Mother’s Day after child loss is the most painful. In fact, most holidays and milestone dates can be quite difficult for someone who has lost a child.
It’s even more heartbreaking when you feel like your child is forgotten because they are not physically here. They are never forgotten in a mother’s heart. Not a day goes by that I don’t imagine exactly what our son would have looked like, how his smile would have made me melt, and how enriched our lives would be just because of his presence in it. Even in his absence now, my heart still loves that baby I never got to hold.
It’s very comforting when others show you they care and that your child who is only here in spirit and memory is not forgotten. There is truly no time limit on grief and a child’s life is never meaningless no matter how long they lived in or outside of the womb.
How can you help a friend or family member on Mother’s Day that has lost a child?
DO:
- Remember and acknowledge the child that was lost.
- Say their child’s name.
- Send a card.
- Send a prayer.
- Tell that grieving mother that you love her.
- Show empathy instead of sympathy (click here to watch a fabulous video from Brene Brown that explains this concept).
DO NOT:
- Pressure a grieving mother to do anything she is not ready for. This is detrimental to the healing process, especially when exposed to “triggers” too soon.
- Give advice on pregnancy and fertility.
- Be afraid to say the angel child’s name.
To the childless mother this Mother’s Day:
You are beautiful. You count as a mother and your baby mattered to more than just you. My wish for you this Mother’s Day is that you find comfort in knowing that you are not in this season alone. There are many other women feeling the same way you are today. You WILL hold your baby one day. In the meantime, do something nice for him or her to keep the memory alive. This Mother’s Day, treat yourself to something special; a manicure, a pedicure, a massage, flowers, dessert, etc. Consider it a gift from your angel in heaven, because your child would want you to be smiling today and every day.
© Strength 4 Spouses LLC, 2018.
