I never imagined this question would be so difficult. It’s one that I am asked often, most especially as a military wife. In this world, it seems like everyone has children.

“Do you have kids?” Two years ago, without hesitation, I would reply “No!” Then, a year ago, without a second thought I would say “no, not yet,” implying that maybe one day we would.

Now, after miscarriage (click here for that story), this question makes me pause. The world stands still and becomes quiet, just like it did when our son’s heartbeat stopped. When I’m asked whether I have children or not, I’m always conflicted as to how to answer that question honestly. Those that know me, know that I’m a horrible liar, so I struggle with saying “No,” as it feels so much like a lie. Who wants to hear my sob story of loss in each of these moments? I fear saying no means I’ve forgotten about my son, and that because he never took a breath outside my womb that he meant nothing to the world and doesn’t count.

Saying yes also feels like a lie, because my son isn’t physically here, but yes, I do have a child. He resides in heaven and will experience his first Christmas this year in the arms of his Heavenly Father. He will be surrounded by his grandfather, great grandparents, great great grandparents, and his furry big sister Lilli that will follow him around heaven endlessly wagging her tail.


Someday I will hold my son. Until then, I’ll keep his memory close and let the world know “yes,” I do have a child. I am indeed the mother of a beautiful angel named Chance.


© Wendi and Strength 4 Spouses, 2017.

© Wendi and Strength 4 Spouses, 2017.

To those of you out there “like me,” how do you answer this question? Do you struggle with your answer? Does the answer you give depend on the moment and who you are talking to? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.