I never imagined this question would be so difficult. It’s one that I am asked often, most especially as a military wife. In this world, it seems like everyone has children.

“Do you have kids?” Two years ago, without hesitation, I would reply “No!” Then, a year ago, without a second thought I would say “no, not yet,” implying that maybe one day we would.

Now, after miscarriage (click here for that story), this question makes me pause. The world stands still and becomes quiet, just like it did when our son’s heartbeat stopped. When I’m asked whether I have children or not, I’m always conflicted as to how to answer that question honestly. Those that know me, know that I’m a horrible liar, so I struggle with saying “No,” as it feels so much like a lie. Who wants to hear my sob story of loss in each of these moments? I fear saying no means I’ve forgotten about my son, and that because he never took a breath outside my womb that he meant nothing to the world and doesn’t count.

Saying yes also feels like a lie, because my son isn’t physically here, but yes, I do have a child. He resides in heaven and will experience his first Christmas this year in the arms of his Heavenly Father. He will be surrounded by his grandfather, great grandparents, great great grandparents, and his furry big sister Lilli that will follow him around heaven endlessly wagging her tail.

fireplace

Someday I will hold my son. Until then, I’ll keep his memory close and let the world know “yes,” I do have a child. I am indeed the mother of a beautiful angel named Chance.

inmemorychance

© Wendi and Strength 4 Spouses, 2017.

© Wendi and Strength 4 Spouses, 2017.

To those of you out there “like me,” how do you answer this question? Do you struggle with your answer? Does the answer you give depend on the moment and who you are talking to? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Comments (22)

  1. Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing this personal story. I think that you’re handling it well and that you should definitely hold on to his memory. I lovee the way you describe it as being a mother to a beautiful angel. Thank you for your bravery.

    • Reply

      Thank you Lauren. This is a very emotional but important topic. My hope is that it will somehow help other women in this situation to be strong enough to give their loss a voice. Blessings to you and thank you for your kind words.

  2. Elisa

    Reply

    So heart touching and what a beautiful point of view. My heart is warm from reading this today. 🙂

  3. Reply

    I am touched by your story. I have a similar one, in that I had 2 sons but one died 5 years ago. When I am asked how many children I have, I say one. It saves me from having to re-live everything and share my grief especially with people I don’t know. That doesn’t mean I don’t keep my son’s memory with me every day! There’s no day when I haven’t thought about him. These days, I cherish happy thoughts about him rather than the grief and sadness that wants to rear it’s head every so often. Hoping that one day you will see your son again… not only that but that you get to show him his siblings! How about that? All the very best.

    • Reply

      I cannot imagine what you must have gone through. I’m sorry for your pain. You have such a bright and sunny disposition about it. I hope to one day be there, where you are in the process. Thank you for writing such wonderful thoughts and wishes for the future. May God continue to give you joy and peace in your heart and a blessed 2018.

  4. Reply

    I am sorry for your loss. I believe what you have written here “yes,I am a mother of a beautiful angel named Chance” would be a good answer whenever are faced with the question again. I haven’t read your other story, so I don’t know how recent the loss is. But, overtime you will heal from the hurt and you will be able to talk about your angel with a fond memory. He is at home in heaven. Many blessings to you.

  5. Reply

    I’m so sorry for your loss, reading this made me so sad for you. You are incredible for sharing your story!

    • Reply

      Thank you so much for taking time to read this and for your super sweet words. Blessings to you and your family always.

  6. Sandi

    Reply

    As all your words make a story come alive, this one is especially beautiful. Your strength and ability to remain hopeful… I see it often and this is no different. I think you have your answer to that question. Perfectly honest and from your sweet heart is the best way to handle it. You’re doing great, mama!❤️😘

    • Reply

      Awww. Thank you Sandi! Your friendship and support means the world to me. I truly hope that by speaking up on such a sensitive and emotional issue can empower other women to share their story, heal, and find joy again.

  7. Reply

    Your story feels all too real. i myself lost a child before they were born. i still wonder what that child would have been like. I didnt know if the baby was a boy or girl but i named the baby any way. I named my child Micah and think about that baby all the time.
    You will never forget the life that was inside you at one time. You will be reunited one day and that will be amazing.

    • Reply

      Hi Jody. I’m very sorry about your loss. It seems more women have been through this than most realize. Micah is a beautiful name. It will certain be something special when we are reunited with them! Until then, we can help each other heal and keep their memory close. May you always be blessed and find peace and joy within.

    • Reply

      Thank you for your sweet words. Hoping 2018 will be a much better year. Blessings to you and your family and best wishes for a fabulous new year.

  8. Lisa Elliott

    Reply

    I am so touched by everything you write. You are a mother to little Chance, Lillie, and now Daizi. You touch every child’s life you come in contact with. I know one little girl who just adores you. You are making such a difference in people’s lives. You’re a mother to many. Love you my sweet niece.

    • Reply

      Awww. This made me get teary eyed! Thank you for your sweet sweet words and for supporting me always Aunt Lisa. Love you bunches!

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